abril: Life is my game.

2007-04-13T23:46:00.000-07:00

what the heck am i doing!

i just got slack again.. and again.. and again..

i badly needed a new life.. i felt so good, yet it hurts me more..

the more i lean to what i feel, i started to think. what the heck! do i just miss you, or am i a total loser? what's the point of all of this anyway? are you just being friendly and kind?.. do you feel something too? or am i just at the right place at the right time? i cant explain what im thinking, or even what i feel.. i just know im just stuck here again. feeling helpless..

when im with you, i wanted to be "us" and not just "you and me".. i want more than this.. but at the back of my mind, i know you wouldnt wanted it. i kept hurting myself, trying to get over you but i cant.. i try to stay away, but situations came in naturally, and again we're back at this situation: me, holding my heart close. you, just being yourself..

as i hold your hand at a toystore, i pick up a fortune ball.. wishing it would say yes.. but as i turn to see what is my fortune, it showed me.. "dont even think about it" damn....

hay buhay... baka bukas iba na ulit feeling ko.. shet mag iisang taon na akong mukhang ewan dito.. gumising ka na nga abril!

2007-04-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

2 things - Urbandub

Found time that isn't mine
Stole from the world, guilty of my crime
How high can we both fly?
You answer so soft
That you could never be mine
Cuz everything's too complicated
But you wish we could be
It's wishful thinking that you will
Leave everything for me,
I know you're scared to get hurt
It may sound cliché but I'm here to stay
For you I will do whatever it takes, yeah.

I may be a fool It doesn't really matter
As long as I'm with you
I don't seem to care
For now I'll just sit back for awhile
Wait for awhile...

Things get in the way
2 things get in the way
Those damn things get in the way
2 things get in the way.

X if only i could just say this...

2007-03-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

one month had past.. and what did i do?!

i got alot of "my own time" eheeheehee...

gen almost kill me for standing her up everytime she wants to meet me at sb.hehe.. e what can i do? i had alot going on, family matters.. office skeds.. dvd watching.. and rai's wedding( that by the way, was very shocking and revealing!).. self and soul searching... eheheehee.. and many more...

finally i felt detached and separated from the dream i was in.. i went back to reality.. and for some reason, sometimes i feel worst than ever.. but i still know i was on the right path now.. knowing every step i took leads to something good or bad.. (which by the way is way too good than taking every step uncertain.. i progress... (i think so)... hehe

when sometime i think of what happen.. i say to myself.. "tama na yun.. naiintindihan nman nila siguro bakit ako ganito ngayon.." no explaination asked.. no details... hangging question? dedma.

bakit kailangan tanungin? e hindi nman.. ska nalinaw na sakin lahat nung umpisa plang.. bakit ganito... shet lang kasi puso ko.. papaapekto sa malinaw na paguusap.. papaapekto, hindi nman kaya..

sana tama na ang pagttext.. may mga paquotes- qoutes pa ksi.. parang sira.. kung kaya ko lang burahin ang number nya, ginawa ko na...

manhid ka ba?..

o tanga lang ako?..

kung manhid ka, tama ako sa disisyon ko..

kung tanga lang ako, isang malaking TANGA ako!

2007-02-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

end of the line...

sometimes, i still miss it.. the way we laugh, we smile, we cry.. i sometimes remember the past.. how the way life should be.. how the way we find each others weaknesses on our strenghts. just a look in each other's eyes we found what we are looking for in our lives..

i sometimes regret.. regret the words i should have said.. or the things i should have done.. at the right place, at the right time.. theres nothing should go wrong.. or even worst, break apart..

but things gone wrong.. and we've move on..

but sometimes i just need to remember you to remind myself that i was once incomplete 'till i found you..

2007-01-06T22:18:00.000-08:00

wow! its been almost 2 months since i post something in here.. its been awhile..

anyway, its been crazy over the holidays.. my parents are away for their vacation, and im stuck with my work and my dad's work..(what a life!) haven't got any rest since my dad went to the states and celebrate the holidays there..

this year's xmas is so much new to me.. i celebrated xmas with my friends.. for a change.. hehe.. getting drunk at xmas was never been in my options, but for this year, i ate my words.. i found my self with my 2 bestfriends at christmas day.. what a moment! hehe.. (ika nga, ilaklak lang ang problema) hehehe..

new year is just the same, but without my parents.. my family went over to have a lunch and dinner.. and some inuman sessions too! hehe.. (malamang ako ang taga pamahala ng lahat) tipsy din.. hehe.. (whats new..) jan. 2 got up from bed at 2am to go to work! yahooo!!! good thing, wlang masyadong calls.. hehehe..

well, i wish everyone had a good year.. and wish you well for this year too!!!

2006-11-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

my former college classmate gave birth to a healthy baby boy! congrats adik for becomming a mommy na.. =) ninang kame lahat ah... cant wait to see the baby.. =)

2006-11-18T04:05:00.000-08:00

damn company!!!! i hate our payroll manager.. or whoever sign for that stupid payrol check!!.. f**k them! i only got 1/4 of my freaking salary just because of our stupid IT dept.. i never been late or more so, absent at work, and still they freaking deducted, actually, took the whole salary!! i hate it... my plans are stranded at the air.. i dont have money for everything!!! damn you, damn all of you...

=,( huhuhuhu

2006-11-13T03:33:00.000-08:00

falling - keahiwai

I wanna tell you baby
You're the one that Im thinking of
But your heart is still with her
And I think she's the one that you love
I only want you happy
Even if it's not with me
Maybe one day
You'll open up your eyes and you'll see

[Chorus:]
That I think Im falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think Im falling
Baby Im falling for you

[Verse 2:]
From the first time
You laid your lips on mine
It feels like the smile on my face
Will last till the end of time
But Im not so sure
That you're the one that I should pursue
My mind tells me no
But my heart only says that it's you

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
Only time will tell
The mystery has yet to unfold
Who's gonna feel love's warmth
And the other left in the cold

[Chorus]
Yet still I'm falling
Maybe im falling for you
yeah I think Im falling
Baby I'm falling for you
That I think Im falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
yeah I think Im falling
Baby Im falling for you

one of my friend's fave song.. kala mo astig bec. of the guitar playing, but if you read the lyrics.. damn, so painful yet so true...

happy birthday ate,,

2006-10-17T05:18:00.000-07:00

it's my cousin's birthday.. and im not gonna tell you what's her age.. i think it's very rude for me to say it. hehe.. joking.. anyway, may you have good life good health and alot of money for you to spend! yahoo! hehe.. happy birthday ate, i miss you... =)

hay... 1 month of work.. good job abril!.. hehe.. hating it and loving it at the same time.. what a total adventure.. hehehe.. i hope still have this pace in working next month.. hehe.. good luck.. =)

I can write the saddest poem tonight -Pablo Neruda

2006-09-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.

---> i learn about this poem from our trainer.. i just wanna share..

i miss my bestfriend...

2006-09-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

it's almost been 4 years since i lost her.. i sometimes glimps on memory that i've should have been there for her.. but at the back of my mind, i know she wanted it to happen all along..

memories stretched out long way during our highschool years.. we've been bestfriends since that "drama" crossed our lives. Since then, she called me her "bes", i called her my "bes". she's the one i could easily talked to. even if i dont talk alot, i know she knew what i felt and what i was thinking in certain situations. on the other hand, i've been there for her, even if sometimes i cant understand her.. i made sure she felt my presence.. i stood by her.. but not that long..

we moved on, we've graduated.. been to places, lost contacts, made new friends.. but still, given the chance, we still talked as if we've just met yesterday. she knew all about me.. i told her everything.. i thought i knew everything with her too.. but i didnt..

i still have her pictures and letters.. i still pray for her.. ask God if she's happy of what have happend.. i still remember how she smiles, how she made jokes, how her face turned serious when i talk.. with these memories, she lives in me today..

i've never been to her grave since we buried her.. maybe because i got no time, or i just cant stand seeing her name printed on the ground.. i know she understands why..

i miss you bes.. rest in peace.. +

weekend recollection...

2006-08-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

ever felt like you have total changed yourself into something very different in just a couple of months? - i am.

its kinda sad actually(atleast for me).. i felt like i was drifting away from who i am.. i become more dull, more negative and more timid. i cant drive myself. its like im just moving along with the rest of the gang.. im not like that.. i do my way. how i wanted it, how its suppose to be..(that is what i think i know myself of)

last week, i was talking with my starbucks buddies and just a little kid, i was throwing these "out of this wold" questions.. like "how sweet are you when it comes to your girl/boyfriends" and the whats and hows when in a certain situation.. i was very eager to hear something meaningful, something very new from the usual talk.. but i was disappointed..

i went out last saturday with my old college friends. we chilled out first before going on this party in manila(which by the way is so fun!). by just listening, and talking and our non-stop sharing stories, i think they brought back my old self again.. (thank God!)i was glad to come and meet them again.. they saved me!

i wish i could spend more time with my college buddies.. they know me inside out. before i could talk, they already know what was going on in my freaking head..i think they are my ground of who im suppose to be.. and what im capable of doing.. im drifting and im out of control.. but they drove me by just thier simple small talks. i regained everything back again.. im so thankful for knowing them.. =)

2006-08-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

yup! i have finally re-do my freaking blog.. HAHA.. since i do not have a single thing to do yesterday, i changed it.. ang boring kasi e.. so this is the new blog.. i just dont like it that much.. parang ang sad masyado.but since i've done it already (with my eye starts to pop out na), pwede narin para astig diba.. hehe.. im still reconstructing the whole thing, so some of the things that was placed in the blog aren't perfect pa.(hello?? hindi ako IT or web designer?!) so these things could take awhile to be fixed..

well, enjoy the new look.. hopefully you guys like it!

ciao!

college life oh my college life..

2006-08-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

wow! its been like what?.. a year and a half since ive graduated?.. men, i miss my college life.. my college friends.. OMG talaga!.. nakaka miss nman ang mga lokohan at katinuan ng class namen.. sympre ikaw maging marketing major, hindi lang sasaya ang buhay mo diba?.. ganun katindi ang pagka miss ko tlaga..

my top 10 most fav. moments/things/places/persons sa college..

10. st. paul tuguegarao

09. 4th yr retreat

08. ate jen (at ang never ending na paghihinntay ng mga clearance namen sa window nya)

07. 4th year thesis and defense (Marketing plan for Peter Pan de Sal)

06. new episode - malate

05. garahe (1 cup of rice and tinola o nilaga)

04. rob

03. 2 weeks sa wgrill makati at sa prov. (everyday cenglot)

02. marketing 4b (at ang mga "usapang tomboy" at acquintance party sa roxas)

01. attahunks

Life goes on..

2006-08-11T19:17:00.000-07:00

this week, i have been so depressed.

alot was going on my mind, like i was gonna explode just thinking of those things.. thinking to outgrown the feelings, i denied everything that i feel.. i push myself. i push away everyone around me. i'm stuborn. i dont listen.. i dont talk. i laugh and i feel like someone else was laughing for me. i smile, but i know i cant see myself smiling. i never cry. no tears, no perfect sadness.

i shut myself from reality, thinking i can kill these thoughts or maybe the feelings. i am hurt. i got hurt. i am broken. im closed...

William Anthony Molina

2006-08-05T22:49:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce you to the newest member of our family, William Anthony Molina.. First born son of my cousin Aries and Julie Molina. congrats to the proud parents and warm welcome to my blue-eyed baby nephew..

for more pics and info. check on this site -
http://web.mac.com/molinafamily/iWeb/The%20Molina%20Family/Home.html

(please wait a little longer for the pics to show up, it could take a while to download all of it)

im gonna explode...

2006-08-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

hopeless..
total sadness..
confused..
extraordinary feelings..
im sick..
im bored..
im lost..

i've forgotten..
past reminds..
not motivated..
irresponsible..
closed..
wrongful act..
undecided..

burn out..
no love..
selfish..
immature..
uncurable..
mental illness..
unhappy...

nakakapagod na weekend..

2006-07-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

friday night..

matt's bday.. kela karl.. sarap ng spag.. ska chicken sisig.. sarap sarap.. kadiri ang matador.. pucha, nakakasuka yun.. after sabuhin ako at ilubog tlaga na halos umiyak nko dahil kela ysmael, edgar at dan.. uwi sa bahay, 10:30pm

saturday night..

puntang makati to meet up chot.. isang house party lang ang nangyari.. kita ko din si myles, but she didnt stay that long.. kame lang nila ynel,ayin,chot and sasha.. empi is the best! tulog lahat pag tapos ng 19 shots.. at naghugas pa sila ynel ng beer.. nagpahouse party sila chot kasi bagong condo nila.. highrise.. sila yung nasa ground floor.. hehe.. pro ok na yun.. for 3,500 fully furnished na..may tv, ref, mga lalagyanan.. kaso walang higaan ska upuan.. hopefully dun gawin ni sarj ang bday nya.. gudluck smen at lahat kame nakatayo.. hehe.. pwede na tambayan.. hehe.. astig!

lagot ako kela edgar.. hindi ako nakasipot sa pier.. lubugan na nman to pagtambay ko sa starbucks..shet.. uwi sa bahay ng 3am..

sunday..

9am plang gcng nako.. kaya gudluck sken db?.. after mass, uwi kame ni mama sa pampanga.. may sakit si lola e.. nakauwi na kame d2 mga 7pm.. 8pm punta ako kela kat..bday pla nya.. sarap ng fud! dame pa.. antok na antok nko.. after chismisan.. at makalanghap ng balita from my busmates sa tipol pque.. uwi n kame ni joyce.. 10.30pm nasa bahay nko.. 12am sleep na! yehey!

one of the boys..

2006-07-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

iba talaga pag puro lalaki ang mga kasama mo.. one word would perfectly describe the feeling.. "BARUBAL" ka na rin.. hehe..

ive been in an all girl school from kinder to college, so the whole "one-of-the-boys" thing is definitly new to me.. i thought it could never happen.. gradeshool and highschool is a bummer.. sa 10 years na stay ko, mga lima lang ang kilala kong boys.. mga manliligaw pa ng tropa ko yun.. ska hindi nman kame close masyado.. malamang, all girls school nga e.. so ang mga kachika ko e mga girls din.. college is a different thing. i know some boys, mga tropa tropa ng bf ng mga clasmates ko, mga tambay boys.. sa lahat nun, isa lang yung napagbuhusan ko ng sama ng loob.. e yun e, bf pa ng barkada ko.. confide-confid-an ang system nameng dalawa.. at ngayon wala nrin kameng communication kasi break na sila.. hehe..

anyway, today is much different.. sabe nga ni edgar, "iba ka, one of the boys ka nrin tol.." lintek na starbucks yan.. dahil sa patambay-tambay, naging barubal narin ako.. hehe.. pro nakakatuwa naman.. sa dame ng lalaki na nakatambay dun, kameng 3 lang nila gengen saka si dude ang natambay na girls dun.. kaya yun, pare pareho na kameng mga barubal din.. wahehehe..

pro cool ang maging one of the boys.. you can learn alot of things sakanila (aside sympre sa pagiging barubal mo) mga kalokohan at katinuan..mga boys perspectives.. may taga kuha ka ng tubig. may upuan ka na pagdating mo.. may taga libre syo ng pamasahe, donut ska coffee sa starbucks.. may driver ka na rin.. mga taga bitbit ng mga gamit mo.. may taga bili ng yosi at empoy.. sabe nga ni gengen, kahit mga "gentle dogs" yan, mapagkakatiwalaan yang mga yan..

yan ah.. puring puri na ang mga gentle dogs, kahit pinagtripan ako kagabe, at muntik nako umiyak sa kakagatong nyo.. MGA BARUBAL TLAGA!

day's realizations..

2006-07-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

july 27, happy birthday sarj!.. i miss your house na.. kelan ang inuman sa house mo.. hehe.. =)

happy ako today.. ewan ko ba.. iba lang ang gcing ko ngyong araw nato..siguro ksi makakakuha nko nung discount card sa taters.. hehe.. salamat kay dude at sa kanyang mga resibo.. hehe.. para may discount nako sa popcorn ko.. fave ko pa nman yun.. hehe

yesterday's realizations..
- ang laki pala ng perps..
nagulat lang ako.. i went with gen (actually, she made me go khit walang notice at naka shorts lang tlaga ako)to her taekwando tryouts sa skul nya.. ako nman dun namanghan sa laki ng skul.. i never expected na ganun sya kalaki.. hehe...

- enjoy everything muna, wag masyadong magmadali..
i saw this on my friend's "courting" relationships.. e nililigawan palang sya, she fell inlove na kagad.. hindi pa nya masyadong kilala yung mga nanliligaw sakanya, parang she gave her heart na.. na wala naman din pnapromise yung mga guys sakanya.. kaya yun, she always end up hurting.. kaya dapat dun, hindi dapat madaliin ang lahat.. i-enjoy every moment.. hindi naman kailangan sagutin kagad db? saka if you wait, you can see things in a different perspectives.. you begin to see what is good and bad.. para kasing kung nagmamadali ka, you can only see what is the goal.. but if you wait, you can see the purpose and the reason behind that goal and what can it do to you diba? kaya yun.. sbe nga ng isa ko pang friend, "i-enjoy muna everything, wag magmadali, so u would know the real deal about it.." ang saya lang.. =)

- masarap ang cranberry juice sa starbucks..
masarap nga sobra! maasim nga lang.. pero masarap sya.. fave ko narin yun mula ngayon.. hehe.. try mo.. 85 pesos lang yung tall.. pro solve ka na..

- dont give out cell numbers ng friend mo sa gf mo..
hay naku! panira to.. i dont wanna be in the middle of everything (ehem..YOUR relationship! meaning sainyong dalawa lang dapat) ayokong manlaglag at ayokong ako yung kinukulit para ilaglag ka.. been there, done that.. dont wanna be in that situation anymore! hay buhay.. ang sulusyon?.. wag replyan! wahehe.. dedmahin ang lahat ng tanong at wag itext.. AMEN!

starbucks madness...

2006-07-13T07:33:00.000-07:00

starbucks-sm sucat.. tambayan. simula nuong nagsarado na ang DECK (i miss u na deck.. ), sige at naging mayaman na kame at sa starbucks na kame tumatambay.. simula ang pagkawala ng deck, nagkahiwa-hiwalay na rin ang tropang deck.. yung iba, umalis na at no-show sa sm sucat, yung iba napunta na sa 2nd floor coffee house, yung iba ayaw lang sigurong tumambay.. pero hindi dito nagtatapos ang mga buhay ng tambay.. patuloy paring chumichismis at may nagcchismis sa tambayan.. ang pinagkaiba? mahal lang siguro ang kape sa starbucks.. pakshet..

katulad parin ng deck, ang starbucks at saksi sa lahat ng pangyayari ng mga buhay tambay.. andung may magka-inlove-an, may nagkaaway, may nabasted, may naghiwalay, may umiyak, may tumawa, may bagong friends, may bagong niligawan, may bagong sinagot.. ect, ect! hindi nawawala ang lungkot at saya ng bawat isa.. kung baga sa alak- lalong tumatagal, lalong lumalakas! ganito rin kaya ang tatag ng samahan ng kape at yosi sa starbucks kahit wala ng deck?

abangan sa susunod na kabanata....

July 12

2006-07-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

happy birthday dazel! 21 ka na, pa-21 shots ka nman.. hehe.. manlilibre si rai sa friday kaya im so looking forward to it na! wish ko lang sana wala ng bagyo! panira sa lakad to e..

danice's capping is today! so congrats kay danice.. at may bagong sumbrero na nman sya..hehe.. sorry hindi nko naka attend sa school mo, ang aga nman kasi 7am dapat andun na.. e nananaginip pa ako nun nh... anyways, pagbutihin mo ang iyong study, at ikaw ang unang nurse na pamilya... goodluck!

inlove- inlaban!

2006-07-10T19:14:00.000-07:00

sa dame ng mga kaibigan ko, maski chitchat friends, lahat ata ng personality nakita ko na pagdating sa love life.. andung chickboy/girl, loyal, feeling loyal, feeling chickboy/girl, sadista, at broken-hearted parati. merong shy type, yung pakipot pa dating, yung mga ang bagal dumiskarte..meron din hartrob, habulin ng boys/girls. mga 2-timers, minsan 3 or 4 timers p nga.. meron din sympreng boyfrend/ girlfriend materials, mga pangpapatayo na ng sarileng munomento sa bahay nila.. sa dame nun, hindi ko na alam kung anu ba dapat tularan.. kasi lahat merong laging reason db?.. bkit ganun? bakit ganito? bakit ngkaganun? bakit sa ganito? bkit sa kanya at hindi sa isa?minsan tama lang din ung mga reasons nila bakit ganun sila..

but does all of those make any sense if you really find your true love?..

may reason ka pa bang tumingen sa iba, kung happy ka nman sakanya? pwede ka pa bang makipagrelasyon sa iba, kaso panu nman yung girl/boyfriend mo? o kaya, ok lang bang makipagflirt ka sa isang bar, habang nagaalala yung bf/gf mo kung nasaan ka?hindi nman ksi alam ng bf/gf mo na andun ka.. at ang gasgas na punch line " alam kong mahal kita, kaso hindi nako masaya syo.."

kung iisipin mo, lahat may reason to do or say those things naman.. ika nga, love is not selfish.. hindi ka ngmamahal para lumigaya ka, nagmamahal ka dahil nararamdaman mo to.. bottomline is, tao lang tayong lahat. nagmamahal.. nakaka pagparamdam, at may nararamdaman.. galing nh?.. yun yun e!

Una - Spongecola

2006-07-02T05:10:00.000-07:00

Muli namang umihip sa akin
Ang hangin ng pagiisa
Liwanag kang dagling sumilaw
Sa aking mga mata
Linilingon, sinusundan
Dumadalas ang minsan
Ika'y naryan, abot tanaw
Kahit walang dahilan

Maiiwasan ba
Ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko
(maiiwasan bang)
Ngayo'y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan
(magkamali sa'yo)
Nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na
(maiiwasan bang)
Lalong mahulog sa iyo

Walang maitutulad sa sumpang iyong linikha
Putulin man ang tali ay sadyang walang kawala
Sa pagkaakit, at di paglapit
Nananalangin, at umaasang

Maiiwasan ba
Ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko
(maiiwasan bang)
Ngayo'y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan
(magkamali sa'yo)
Nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na
(maiiwasan bang)
Lalong mahulog sa iyo

Hindi padadala
Hinding hindi padadala
Hindi padadala

one of my fave songs...

Stigmatize..

2006-06-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

I've recently have a huge crush on the song Stigmatize by The Calling. This song was released a couple of years, but I never appreciated the song not until now.. I've been sneaking in to some webpages for music videos and i came across the song.. the vocalist, for me is not that great.. (maybe bec. i cant understand fully the lyrics when he's singing the song) but i was damn curious what the title means.. so i pull out the lyrics from the lyric webpages.. read the whole thing.. and then from there, i fell inlove with the song.. here's the part of the lyrics i find awesome and i'd admire most..

We'll live our lives
We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives
I know we're gonna Find our way
I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you,
and I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatized
We live our lives On different sides
But we keep together You and I
We live our lives On different sides

jobless june..

2006-06-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

shet. month of june na at wala parin akong work..hehe.. ewan ko ba kung tinatamad lang ako o natatakot lang ako.. tinatamad, kasi ang inet nman kasi e.. natatakot, kasi baka masira ko ung plano ko this october.. pakshet nman kasi yung mga company, dapat talaga may mga contract e.. i just wish everything else will be ok for me this year.. ewan, kahit hindi career-focused ang dumating saking maganda this year, basta alam kong marame akong natutunan at alam kong nagmature ako kahit papano this year, ok na saken yun..

hay, nagmumukha na tuloy akong sira ulo dito.. nalulungkot at natatakot at the same time.. (depression e nh? hehe) pro ok lang yun.. carry pa yun.. kung nakaya ko nga magtravel ang magisa, eto pa kaya? e ang mawalan kaya ng pera, kakayanin ko kaya?...

one month na ako dito sa pinas, and it feels good to be home.. nakita ko narin yung mga friends ko, gimik dun, gimik dito.. tambay sa starbucks.. kita kits every weekends... walang kasing saya.. dagdagan pa ng mga problemadong mga kaibigan, ang saya ng inuman.. hehe.. every sunday nman, alis kame ng family.. ang saya.. tambay lang sa kapihan ang saya na..

so ayun, so far wala pa nman akong ginagawang katarantaduhan.. hehe.. eto lang ang forecast ko this june.. hekehek.. =)

"chill lang.."

2006-05-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

its been two week since ive had a thing to compose here. grabe since ive got here, its been a blast! just being home makes you feel relax and comfortable.. in a way, you kinda feel safe..

since ive got here, all i have are clean fun moment.. with the family and friends (wala pang inuman, tambay tambay lang) with just that, i have the time of my life.. ika nga ni sir vince, "chill lang"...

i didnt have anything to do or think, free lance kung baga.. and its all what ive wanted.. no pressure... tamang tama lang.. relax your body, mind and ofcourse your spirit.. papahinga muna ng utak ko.. (baka mabaliw e.. depress ganun..) but now, i got what ive wanted..

next week, when i put myself up again, i should get back on track. i will and i am.. i should and i do.. i know the purpose of this is just the beginning of everything.. just waiting for the right time.. for i know that is not a waste of time, but just what needed to get back on it.

CHILL LANG!!

today is...

2006-05-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

i hate people giving me freaking attitudes! im like, "im not stupid ok? i know what im doing, so just get off my freaking face, and just listen when i say something, dumb ass!"

the person that im trainning to do my job when i leave was just a pain in the butt. she's just pissing me off.. shes giving me this attitude, like she knew all the stupid shit that ive been teaching her and she doesnt care on what i say just bec. she believes she knows it... ARE YOU CRAZY?!!! i know im not that evil, but for god's sakes, i just wanna kill stupid people.. Gary's right, stupidity should be paid.. and as of today, i realized it should be!

well, enough of that.. today, dont have anything to do.. almost all the agents went to the convention, so pretty much, theres nothing to do here.. all i did today is train the stupid person and get mad at her.. hehe..

i cant sleep last night... thinking about my problem.. i know theres nothing to worry about,but im just not that type of person who can handle uncertainty of the future.. im feeling hopeless, scared in some ways.. but i leave all things to Him.. kaw na bahala saken Lord..

hay buhay.. i dont know what im gonna think.. maybe im just excited to go home.. i know i am.. but theres a huge "BUT" waiting to fill my freaking life... a "BUT" that could change my life..

missing attahunks..

2006-05-01T15:31:00.000-07:00

last week, nakatanggap ako ng email kay ei. isang super late na late na birthday greeting ang natangap ko lang..(mag iisang buwan na nman pare e..) anyways, after the greeting and some chika sa aming tropa, ask nya ako kung kelan ako uwi..ive replied saying this coming May na ako uwi and i hope na kahit busi-busihan sila jan, kita kits kame.. she replied back the next day saying theres no doubt everyones gonna be present..

ang attahunks.. my college buddies, tropa, barkada.. 5 nilalang pinagtagpo ng tadhana sa loob ng silid aralan ng st. paul.. haha. si sarj, dazel, ei, rai at ako..since first year college magkakasama na kame..ewan ko kung panu kame nabuo. natatandaan ko lang, kame nila ei and rai magkakasama kasi taga paranaque kame, sila da and sarj, lam ko nakasama nmen cla sa mcdo taft, e gwapo ung bf ni sarj kaya binarkada namen.. ehehehehe.. (joke lang tol)

lahit iba iba personality namen, we seem to get along well..hanggang ang isang sem ay naging isang taon at ang isang taon ay naging 4 na taon, mula pagiging freshmen hanggang paggraduate, kame lagi magkakasama.. naalala ko pa, graduation day, kasama ko yang mga yan kumaen ng lunch sa jolibee (sila sarj n da lang pala) and kame lang ang tropa sa classroom ang may graduation pictorial sa rob.hekhek..(proud e nh?) well, hindi ko na isa isahin pa ang mga drama namen (kame nlang nakakaalam nun hehe) pro sa mga napagdaanan nmen, subok na pagkakaibigan is what we've gained.. i really treasured the moments.. mapadrama o comedy man, may pera man o wala, mapa tino o katarantaduhan, sa school o gimik, may lovelife man o wala, may pulutan man o wala.. anjan lang kame para sa isat isa..walang iwanan sa ere.. naging memorable ang college life ko dahil sa kanila..and ofcouse kasama ang college classmates namen and our W-grill kaberks, happy-happy lang ang life.. hehe cant wait to see them.. =)

blogthings lang...

2006-04-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ)

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.
Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.

You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.
You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.

A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.
You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.

In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.

At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.

With others, you tend to be polite and formal.

As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.

On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

trip ko lang, kasi walang magawa sa office..hehe

mejo lahat ng sinabe d2 totoo, except for the last part.. hindi ako ngoorganize ng activities, pumupunta lang ako kung gusto ko at kung trip ko..hehe un lang.. (yabang e nh?) hekhek.. pagbigyan!!!

we have a bouncing baby boy!

2006-04-22T11:29:00.000-07:00

yesterday my cousin and his wife have the ultrasound to know what the sex of the baby is.. they'll have a boy! yup, molina clan will finally be formed.hehe.. oo, masaya pag lalaki ang unang apo.ewan ko, naicip ko lang.. prang magiging kanang kamay ang baby..hehe.. lam mo ung mga sa telanobela..hehe.. taga pagmana ng lahat ng ari arian ng mga molina.hehe.. ayos e nh.. well, im so happy for them.. finally, may junior na.hehe..

mabuting tao ang pinsan ko ang his wife, kaya nung magkakababy, ang saya saya ng family.. and ofcourse, masaya ako kasi nadinig ni God ung prayers nila kuya.. im so happy for them talaga..

well, i dont care what the baby's gender is.. masaya na ko na mgkakababy na sila.. actually, lahat kame excited for the baby, pati ung family of the mother.. excited lahat.. i just wonder, how spoiled that baby's gotta be.. hehe.. baka paglabas ng baby, may sariling bahay at lupa na, pati kotse meron..hehe.. king lang ang dating..hehe

ofc today..

2006-04-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

NAKAKAINES! as in!! shet.. i hate it.. unang una.. dapat trabaho mo to e.. ako na nga ang gumagawa lahat, tapos ikaw pa frustrated jan.. e kung ako kaya ang mafustrate? HA?! HHAAAA!!! tinutulungan ka jan, para pag alis ko, alam mo na... tapos ngayon.. hay ewan.. bahala ka kung ayaw mo talagang intindihin!.. ang nakakaines pa sayo.. everytime may meeting, binibida mo sarile mo, kala mo nman alam mo lahat, e infact ako lahat ang may alam..shet..lahat ng credit inako mo na. tpos ngayon tinutulungan kita ayaw mong gawin..bahala ka, pag alis ko, ikaw rin nman gagawa nto e..nakakaines!!! concern ako, pro kayo hindi concern sa mga dapat na trabaho nyo.. tpos ibibida nyo sarile nyo..shet. tpos mong mafrustrate, magtetelebabad ka jan!!pakshet.. kung sino sino tatawagan mo.. e kung ginagawa mo tong dapat na trabaho mo, e d sana natapos ka n!... shet....

at isa ka pa.. gusto mo ngang gawin tong program na to. gusto mong palitan si dean.. e isa ka pa.. ang drama mo! kalalaki mong tao, madrama!! gusto mong matutunan lahat, pro dapat laging nasa schedule mo! e sino ka ba?! CEO ka ba d2.. kung gusto mong malaman lahat dapat may initiative ka to do it. oo nga, gusto mong magpaturo.. ang drama mo pa.. ed sana nung tinuturuan ko ung isa sumabat ka na rin.. tpos isshut down mo ko ngayon, sasabihin mo dame monng ginagawa.. e sino bang walang ginagawa d2? ang drama mo.. grabe, in your face ako dun.. kala mo nman boss ka d2.. tpos magrereklamo ka, na hndi ka tinuturuan jan.. bahala kayo.. magsama kayo nung isa, wlang initiative sa work!

shet! kailangan bang laging ganito?! pag tinamaan ka nga ng lintik d2 sa office.. pagnastuck ka dto sa cubicle na to.. talagang mababaliw ka.. bahala kayo! shet kyong dalawa!

trance vs. rnb

2006-04-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

for the past 9 months i stayed here, trance/pop/dance music was always been my "never-ending" morning music. thanks to kuya, and his glorious music collection, i almost wanna kill myself. as you know, i prefered a much different type of music. i like rnb. so, for the past months, this was always been our (kuya and me) conversation in the car..

trance music is playing..

abril: kuya, goodmorning! para mas gumanda pa ang araw mo, palitan mo na ung music.. pleaseeeee...

kuya: ang ganda nga e..bakit ayaw mo tong music? ok nga e..

abril: ayoko!

at lalo pang nilakasan talaga ni kuya ang music..

abril: KUYAAA!!!!

kuya: heheheeee

but yesterday, i finally made him play my type of music.. yesterday's conversation in the car on the way to pick up my aunt..

trance music is and always been playing...

abril: kuya may cd ako d2, andto yung sinasabe ko sayo na gusto kong song, kung kay sean paul na bagong labas na music..

kuya: ayaw mo lang pakinggan ung music ko e, lahata ka kaya..

abril: hehee..

pinasok ni kuya ung cd, sean paul's temperature is playing.. after awhile ngsalita si kuya..

kuya: ano ba tong music mo, e2 ba gusto mong music?.. parang pang-vuddo.. hehe

abril: ang ganda nga e.. ayaw mo?

kuya: ayoko! ang sakit na ng ulo ko.. palitan n naten.. sumasakit ung ulo ko sa music mo. buti nlang hindi ko yan upload sa itunes ko..

abril: mas ok nman yan kesa dun sa music mo, na parang twinkle twinkle and dating.

kuya: anung twinkle?

sabay balik ulit sa trance music..

abril: KUYAA!

kuya: heheheee...

i need sleep sessions..

2006-04-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

its been a long long weekend.. antok at pagod ako today. this weekend i didnt get enough sleep to energize myself. this is hard!.. this is how my weekend went..

friday: since its a good friday, i got a halfday off from the office.. i went to lunch with kuya and ate julie in some japanese resto. after that, i let kuya drop me to church, instead, and attend the mass. after going to mass and some 30min prayer, kuya picked me up and drop me to ninang's place..onting chika with ninang then go up stairs to watch tv.. sarap matulog naulan kasi e.. pro cant sleep. not until 11pm.

saturday: i woke up at 8am, narining ko si ninang gising na. may lakad kasi sya to fashion island. i went down stairs, have my coffee, onting chika ulit kay ninang, naghugas ng dishes then waved goodbye to ninang and ate.hehe.. ako lng natira.. then kuya called asked if i want to go anywhere..1pm kuya picked me up from the house and we went to bestbuy and to the mission viejo mall.2hrs later, ninang called, she's on the ER. we went to the hospital. we stayed there until 9:30pm.kuya and i grab something from taco bell, he drop me off sa bahay.ate my burrito.onting chika with ate.go to bed not until pass 12am..

sunday: happy easter! i woke up at 8am.kuya woke me up calling the home phone and my cellphone, he's already down stairs about to pick me up to go to church. hindi ako nakasimba tuloy.. my so reliable cellphone ay hindi ngring.(kabwisit) yan tuloy hindi ako nakasimba. i ended up going to the hospital with ate to visit ninang. stayed there until 5:30pm na ata un.. then kuya picked me up from the house at 7:30pm na ata. ate my supper, then go to bed.. cant sleep again..maybe bec my mom's and ate raquel's txt keep waking me up slept at 12:30am..

I AM SO SLEEPY TODAY!!!!!

ill try to take a nap in between me doing my laundries later. heheheee...

yup, i finally miss home..

2006-04-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, i realized i miss home.. Almost all day i was talking about how nice phil. is.. from the beaches and food, to how we, filipinos, celebrate holy week and new years.

First, thanks to my "so-called" boss, who kept me talking for almost an hour. asking me questions like,when exactly im gonna be back?.. and how its nice to work here instead in working back home and then she's like, she was sure i miss home but opportunities here are better.. blah blah blah.. (i know she's just freaking out bec when i leave, no ones gonna do my work execpt her which i doubt she'll gonna do.) Second was when i had my eye presciption done last night bec mocha chewed my glasses.. the "eye-doctor"(i dont know what they are called) was asking me how was it living in my country.. And i was like, "you know what? its great! you should come visit when u have time".. and then again, i was describing everything..and then i though, geess.. it sounded like im a tour guide.. =(

yup! i miss home.. i miss my family, friends and my room!! and even though i know its gonna be a pain in the ass to go home, from the "chance passenger-im all alone-ticket" i have, to me being jobless again, (its sucks!) i know its gonna be a blast to go home and finally see everyone and everything i love!!

my one year dilema

2006-04-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

im sleepy today. i woke up at 630am and still, im sleepy. i cant sleep last night thinking about my cousin's problem. im thinking about my problem too.. well, unfortunately, everything might not turn out to be what we've planned.. im just frustrated and sad about it.. its like everytime i step up, there's an unexpected huge problem waiting to be slammed in to my face! and its been going on for almost a year now..and it sucks! its like everytime i really plan and thought about what im gonna do, it will end up totally different bec a big deal came up and all of a sudden i need to change everything that ive planned. what we've planned... its depressing..

yeah, im depressed, frustrated and sad..

so much of my birthday "happy-feeling" moments.. welcome back to reality kid!

Different, yet still the same...

2006-03-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

i went with my cousin last saturday to LA, and i met up my friend from highschool.. well, for a long time that i stayed here, we havnt got the chance to meet up till last saturday. the last time i saw her was the day before she flew for the states. it was about a year ago..

i still remember her despedida party.. im surprised we were completed! (5 of us) first time ito after a long long time! well, you cant totally blame us, since we went to different colleges, and its been crazy after highschool, its college-hectic-sked.. kaya sinagad na namen ang pagkakataon na makita ang isat isa, since one of our friend's gonna go. i felt funny at first. i was excited and curious.. excited, for seeing them again - curious, of how they have been, whats new about them, are they diferent?

i took a ride with eira, since i went home from school to change and go to the despedida and back to school again for a spongecola concert, which my college-friends and i about to see..(gosh, it was so hectic! hehe) so why not txt eira and convince her to pick me up at my house since she lived close by? plus the fact that she has a car. (libre pamasahe- ayos!) habang nagaayos ako ng sarile ko, dumating si eira.. bumusina pa ang loka! lumabas ako ng bahay, dala dala ang mga gamit pampaganda dahil pagkatapos pa ng concert, e tuloy gimik pa ito.. so sakay na ako sa magandang kotse ni eira(hi eira!) hehe..

sa kotse..

eira: oi, txt mo na kaya sila gen at alex..sabihin mo papunta na tyo kela chay.. para pagdating naten dun, andun narin sila.. kailangan ko magpractice ng piano ksi bukas tutugtug ako e.. saglit lang ako kela chay..

abril: ako din noh. may puntahan pa akong concert mamya. nagtetext na nga ung mga kasama ko kung nasan na ako e. anung oras na kasi..

sa isip-isip ko, si eira tlaga, hindi parin nawala ang piano sa katawan.hehe.. at ang lagi nyang dialog samen, "hindi ako pwde ksi magppractice pa ako e.." o kaya nman.. "saglit lang ako, ksi kakabisaduhin ko pa ung piyesa nung tutugtugin ko e.." hay eira.. hindi parin ngbabago..

pagdating namen sa bahay nila chay, kame palang ata ni eira ang nandun.. chika- chika.. kwento-kwento.. c chay, all the same.. maliit paren.. madame paring inaasikaso.. maraming kaibigan.. (shet maggagabe na, andito pa ako.. ung mga kasama ko sa concert, tumatawag na sa cellphone ko!) ang nagiba lang kay chay, dumami ang pimples! (patay!) hehe.. sa una kala mo, demure.. (kasi sabe nya, hindi n daw sya maharot, nagpapakahinhin ksi dalaga na daw sya..) ako d2, ocge n nga.. tutal aalis ka nman.. go with the flow ang lola mo.. the funny thing with chay, she wants to believe that she changed alot about herself. but when you go and put her with her old friends, (for example me) you can totally see that she didnt changed at all.. how she act and think, how she laugh, how she make a high-five with the one she's talking with on every funny point she made. sa kakahintay kela gen and alex, hindi naman maalis ang pagalipusta kay eira and her "relationship" with her beloved piano.. sabay tawa ng malakas kame ni chay, with matching high-five! hay chay.. hindi parin nagbabago...

sa wakas, dumating si alex.. with boyfriend.. (tadaaaa..) thats new with her.. althought we got to meet him before the despedida, its kinda new to me, just seeing alex with a bf? thats very new.. sa lahat ata samen, c alex lang ang may malaking pinagbago.. i dont know, its probably with her actions, demure na demure.. (feel k lang ah..) parang dalagang dalaga na, (parang kame musmusin pa e nh? hehe) sabe nya, madilim na ksi.. si tita sol (ang kanyang cool na cool na mother), baka magalala.. wla daw syang kasama pauwi.. buti anjan ang kanyang bf to the rescue, para ihatid sya sa bahay... hay alex, d parin nagbabago..

maya maya, dumating si gen.. kasama si mia.. (grand entrance ito) fresh na fresh galing deck coffee house.. sabay batok saken..

gen: langya ka, kala ko dadaan ka sa deck. hinihintay ka namen dun kanina pa..

abril: sorry nman, hindi ko alam na andun pla kayo..nagbihis pa ako sa bahay e. punta ako ng concert, sabay gimik after. kasama ko cla sarj. punta ka ba?

gen: hindi e.. wala me kasama e.. ska si ermat, nagagalit na.. lagi na ako nasa gimik.. langya, ako lang ang naka uniform d2.. hindi mo sinabe na nagbihis ka na pla..

sabay batok ulit

sa aming lima, kame ni gen ang may consistent communication.. probably bec. we go to the same university, so halos everyday magkikita kame..pati hangout at gala namen pareho.. pati bisyo. hekhek.. ang hindi ngbago kay gen?.. grand entrance parate.. late kung late lang talaga! sabay sisi sken.. hay gen.. d nagbago..

after chismisan, picture taking, grad pic exchange, at walang katapusang laitan at pagalala sa mga masasayang kwento namen nung highschool, time is up, and we have to live.. gabe na.. c alex kailangan ng ihatid ng bf nya, c eira magppractice pa ng piano nya, c gen kailangan n umuwi ksi papagalitan ng ermat nya at laging wala sa bahay, c chay kailangan pang magempake at baka may makalimutan.. at ako? i need to go to a concert.. hinihintay na ako ng isa ko pang tropa..

Grabe, after 4 years.. it kinda feels like im back in highschool again after going to the despedida. although ive seen changes, in general - they're all the same.

pagsakay ko ng fx, ngtxt ako sa mga kasama ko sa concert..

abril: oi, papunta n ko jan, san kayo?

rai: ang tagal mo talaga,kanina ka pa nmen hinihintay. hindi mo sinasagot ung tawag nmen! d2 kame rob. txt ka kung lapet ka na.. BILISAN MO! dame na tao sa concert..

abril: oo, nagmamadali na nga e..

habang naka sakay ako sa fx, habang tinatahak ng fx ang bawat kalyeng papunta sa paroroonan ko, naisip ko.. hindi pla lahat sa isang tao ay pwedeng magbabago.. kahit anung pilit nyang ibahin, meron paring mababakas sa kanyang pinanggalingan, pinagdaan, at pinilit na baguhin..

2006-03-17T12:51:00.000-08:00

naranasan mo na ba ang mamiss ang sarile mo?..

ako, oo.. hehe.. namiss ko ang buhay ko dati.. estudyante e.. walang inatupag kundi gumastos, magsaya, at sympre lumabas kasama ang mga kaibigan..

masaya dati.. parang walang problema. pumasok ka, magpakita sa prof, gumawa ng assignments and seatwork na pwde namang kopyahin sa kaklase, tumambay sa rob, food trip at videoke trip..kung minsan may topak, pero isang inuman lang, ayos ka ulit.. tumambay sa sm, uminom ng kape sa paboritong kapihan. gumimik kasama ang mga tropa at umuwi ng gumagapang, kung ayaw mo nman, umiwi kinabukasan sabay bulyaw ng nanay sa tenga mo. magjoy-ride. tumambay sa garahe. magbilyar at kung anu anu pa.. minsan naiisip ko, ang saya pala dati.. namimiss ko na ang ganito..

nakakatawa lang, meron kasi kaming yahoogroups ng dati kong mga kaibigan.. at tuwing magssend sila ng msg. pare pareho ang laman "san tyo gimik ulit?" o kaya nman "oi, miss ko na kayo, labas nman tayo kahit lunch o magkape lang.." at may isa pa, "punyeta, nasan na kyo? paramdam kyo, may problema ako, inuman naman tyo jan.." nakakatawa, kasi hindi lang pala ako ang nakakamiss ng lahat.. lahat pala kame ganun.. namimiss ang mga sarile namen.. namimiss ang dating masayang buhay.. wlang problema, wlang hassel..

naisip ko lang, ang saya pala ng buhay dati.. buhay-estudyate.. sana walang katapusan ang ganung buhay, pro hindi pwede..

advise ko?.. ienjoy ang bawat panahon na estudyante ka.. dahil pagharap mo sa realidad, pagkatapak mo sa labas ng eskwelahan.. wala ka ng magagawa kundi, isipin ang masasayang araw na walang problema.. maiisip mo ang buhay estudyante.. at masasabe mo sa sarile mo "shet, astig. ang saya pala dati..."

2006-03-17T09:19:00.000-08:00

i've been curious of this blogspot for sometime now, and i just figure why not have one?.. i mean, almost all my friends has one (atleast!) so why not join them..hehe..

well let me see.. im not a great talker, this pertains to: me-talking-about-myself-thing.. i seldom focus the subject on me.. except, ofcource, when i badly needed it. like if theres a problem that i badly needed someone to talk about to, that if i didn't my head will explode figuratively, that kind of a thing.

honestly, i sign up for this, mostly, to try to open myself better (even if its seems no ones gonna read my boring stuffs). lately, im getting annoyed with some stuffs about my life.. you know, changes.. but the hardest thing is, ive been far away from my trusted people (friends) lately and there's no one to come to and talk about it.. im begining to feel like im all alone! and that sucks in my like...

o well, lets just see whats gonna happen..

till then..