what the heck am i doing!

i just got slack again.. and again.. and again..

i badly needed a new life.. i felt so good, yet it hurts me more..

the more i lean to what i feel, i started to think. what the heck! do i just miss you, or am i a total loser? what's the point of all of this anyway? are you just being friendly and kind?.. do you feel something too? or am i just at the right place at the right time? i cant explain what im thinking, or even what i feel.. i just know im just stuck here again. feeling helpless..

when im with you, i wanted to be "us" and not just "you and me".. i want more than this.. but at the back of my mind, i know you wouldnt wanted it. i kept hurting myself, trying to get over you but i cant.. i try to stay away, but situations came in naturally, and again we're back at this situation: me, holding my heart close. you, just being yourself..

as i hold your hand at a toystore, i pick up a fortune ball.. wishing it would say yes.. but as i turn to see what is my fortune, it showed me.. "dont even think about it" damn....

hay buhay... baka bukas iba na ulit feeling ko.. shet mag iisang taon na akong mukhang ewan dito.. gumising ka na nga abril!

2 things - Urbandub


Found time that isn't mine
Stole from the world, guilty of my crime
How high can we both fly?
You answer so soft
That you could never be mine
Cuz everything's too complicated
But you wish we could be
It's wishful thinking that you will
Leave everything for me,
I know you're scared to get hurt
It may sound cliché but I'm here to stay
For you I will do whatever it takes, yeah.

I may be a fool It doesn't really matter
As long as I'm with you
I don't seem to care
For now I'll just sit back for awhile
Wait for awhile...

Things get in the way
2 things get in the way
Those damn things get in the way
2 things get in the way.






X if only i could just say this...

one month had past.. and what did i do?!

i got alot of "my own time" eheeheehee...

gen almost kill me for standing her up everytime she wants to meet me at sb.hehe.. e what can i do? i had alot going on, family matters.. office skeds.. dvd watching.. and rai's wedding( that by the way, was very shocking and revealing!).. self and soul searching... eheheehee.. and many more...

finally i felt detached and separated from the dream i was in.. i went back to reality.. and for some reason, sometimes i feel worst than ever.. but i still know i was on the right path now.. knowing every step i took leads to something good or bad.. (which by the way is way too good than taking every step uncertain.. i progress... (i think so)... hehe



when sometime i think of what happen.. i say to myself.. "tama na yun.. naiintindihan nman nila siguro bakit ako ganito ngayon.." no explaination asked.. no details... hangging question? dedma.

bakit kailangan tanungin? e hindi nman.. ska nalinaw na sakin lahat nung umpisa plang.. bakit ganito... shet lang kasi puso ko.. papaapekto sa malinaw na paguusap.. papaapekto, hindi nman kaya..

sana tama na ang pagttext.. may mga paquotes- qoutes pa ksi.. parang sira.. kung kaya ko lang burahin ang number nya, ginawa ko na...



manhid ka ba?..

o tanga lang ako?..



kung manhid ka, tama ako sa disisyon ko..

kung tanga lang ako, isang malaking TANGA ako!

end of the line...


sometimes, i still miss it.. the way we laugh, we smile, we cry.. i sometimes remember the past.. how the way life should be.. how the way we find each others weaknesses on our strenghts. just a look in each other's eyes we found what we are looking for in our lives..

i sometimes regret.. regret the words i should have said.. or the things i should have done.. at the right place, at the right time.. theres nothing should go wrong.. or even worst, break apart..


but things gone wrong.. and we've move on..


but sometimes i just need to remember you to remind myself that i was once incomplete 'till i found you..

wow! its been almost 2 months since i post something in here.. its been awhile..

anyway, its been crazy over the holidays.. my parents are away for their vacation, and im stuck with my work and my dad's work..(what a life!) haven't got any rest since my dad went to the states and celebrate the holidays there..

this year's xmas is so much new to me.. i celebrated xmas with my friends.. for a change.. hehe.. getting drunk at xmas was never been in my options, but for this year, i ate my words.. i found my self with my 2 bestfriends at christmas day.. what a moment! hehe.. (ika nga, ilaklak lang ang problema) hehehe..

new year is just the same, but without my parents.. my family went over to have a lunch and dinner.. and some inuman sessions too! hehe.. (malamang ako ang taga pamahala ng lahat) tipsy din.. hehe.. (whats new..) jan. 2 got up from bed at 2am to go to work! yahooo!!! good thing, wlang masyadong calls.. hehehe..


well, i wish everyone had a good year.. and wish you well for this year too!!!

my former college classmate gave birth to a healthy baby boy! congrats adik for becomming a mommy na.. =) ninang kame lahat ah... cant wait to see the baby.. =)

damn company!!!! i hate our payroll manager.. or whoever sign for that stupid payrol check!!.. f**k them! i only got 1/4 of my freaking salary just because of our stupid IT dept.. i never been late or more so, absent at work, and still they freaking deducted, actually, took the whole salary!! i hate it... my plans are stranded at the air.. i dont have money for everything!!! damn you, damn all of you...

=,( huhuhuhu

falling - keahiwai

I wanna tell you baby
You're the one that Im thinking of
But your heart is still with her
And I think she's the one that you love
I only want you happy
Even if it's not with me
Maybe one day
You'll open up your eyes and you'll see

[Chorus:]
That I think Im falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think Im falling
Baby Im falling for you

[Verse 2:]
From the first time
You laid your lips on mine
It feels like the smile on my face
Will last till the end of time
But Im not so sure
That you're the one that I should pursue
My mind tells me no
But my heart only says that it's you

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
Only time will tell
The mystery has yet to unfold
Who's gonna feel love's warmth
And the other left in the cold

[Chorus]
Yet still I'm falling
Maybe im falling for you
yeah I think Im falling
Baby I'm falling for you
That I think Im falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
yeah I think Im falling
Baby Im falling for you


one of my friend's fave song.. kala mo astig bec. of the guitar playing, but if you read the lyrics.. damn, so painful yet so true...